Sixteen

 

Dear beloved child,

As your mother, seeing you or any of my children suffer is unbearable. Over the years, I painfully understood that it is impossible to take your distress and make it mine, just like I cannot take away an infection you already have to spare you and have my body's immune system fight it on your behalf. I cannot even fix the situation nor rush the healing that is happening in you. So I must see and hear your pain. Let your whole being process it at your own pace. 

At sixteen, the energy of that suffering can be dense and look like anger, irritability. Even though some anger seems directed at me, I know you might be angry at the whole of life sometimes. I just happen to be in the way. And, do I dare say, safe enough for you to feel like you can just be. And you might notice I am not saying your anger. Because how can we be certain it is not a parent's own unprocessed anger, or even an ancestor's ? Remember that we all have a little bit of our grandparents, and our parents, in us. The good news is we can choose to heal what hasn't been closed or integrated, and we can choose how we express the suffering, whether it is personal or ancestral. It's never too late to release the ancestors, and also to release any heavy remnant in you.

Anger is essentially a messenger that needs to be decoded or peeled of its layers. What is underneath ? Unprocessed grief ? Sadness, disappointment, shame ? If so, whose anger or sadness might that be ? When you can look at the core emotion anger attempts to defend against, it is easier to heal from it. I need to continue to heal the teenage version of me, so you don't feel like you have to do it for me. You have enough of your own growth and expansion to do.

Once your mind feels a bit more still again and your heart feels calm, here is the advice I would like to offer for your ''sweet sixteen'', an important milestone as you may be responsible enough to make certain decisions, even learn how to drive a car, and as you approach emerging adulthood.

Know that the wisest investments you can make are:

-a regular practice in the form of passion, refuge and learning of a skill set allowing you to remain resilient and support yourself (for me journaling, reading, ballet-jazz, crafts and volunteering were examples);

-through the cultivation of relationships and friendships from different generations that are affirming, harmonious and supportive as your expansion (I had supportive classmates, teachers, and my favorite cousins, aunts and uncles);

-your body is a temple: feed it healthy food... and thoughts and ideas !

-your intuition can be a powerful ally (we will talk more about that in another blog);

-values and essential qualities for a life that is authentic and fulfilling include self-honesty, gratitude (the only real source of abundance), compassion, altruism (to remind us of our interconnected nature), courage (including expressing vulnerability, which is a form of bravery), mutual trust;

-conversations with elders in your family to learn about transgenerational patterns and what unresolved situation, conflict or emotion you might be carrying for another. 

Everything being potentially a practice in a spiritual sense, let go of the illusion of perfection and instead focus on intention and doing your best. Treat others with kindness and respect. What we do to others, we do to ourselves, and vice-versa. Be a voice for those who are more vulnerable. You can reclaim your voice and your power after a situation that eroded your self-confidence by joining your story with someone else's. You are not alone.

Take ownership of your experiences and bear the consequences of your actions and decisions. In other words, be accountable. The really supportive people in your life won't shame you nor judge you. They will foster growth and reframe your experience as learning.

You are lovable and you deserve to thrive and feel serene. Your job for the next few years is still to learn within the school system and in your social and emotional life, study, question established ''truths'' and find the subjects that light you up. Do your best as you build your future. I can see it is bright and a beautiful echo of your soul. As your mother, I am committed to continue to send love offerings in the form of acceptance of your emotional states, reminders to not stay stuck in heavy feelings, wisdom, teaching of core values, support and ensuring that you have possibilities so that you can continue to expand. Remember who you are, live your dreams (not your parents' unfulfilled wishes), listen to the whispers of your soul, and dare being yourself. I see you, I believe in you and I love you.

The world needs the particular wavelength of your beautiful light, so don't dim it ! And select activities and relationships that make your beam of light expand by engaging in stuff that gives you joy and makes you feel alive. 

Thank you for being born.

Maman