Animé, Anima, Animus, Animx... what adolescence (and life) is all about

 

Hi, you. How has your week been so far ? Maybe you hate today because no one is asking you out (which you erroneously interpret as a proof of non-attractiveness), you are having a bad hair day, you got a C- in algebra, or a medium-size pustule on your nose before your summer job interview, your best friend is now ghosting you, you are addicted to "likes" on social media, you messed up or broke a rule and are afraid to tell your parents, or you lost (it happened to me too many times...) your favorite t-shirt (or the red sweater your mom put in the washer with it bled over it and now it is candy pink... a version of that also happened to me). It doesn't matter to me. I accept you. Right this moment. Because I have learned to also accept and embrace myself completely, flaws and all (not so long ago in fact... but there is no reason for you to wait that long. As you seek support from trusted person and confess whatever mistake is tormenting you, you can start finding things that you like about yourself today and expand on them every day. Fondness is a magnet for fondness). As you read these words, I can sense, I can tell that you have talents to share with the world. I believe there is so much more in you than you can imagine. (Plus, I believe teenagers are awesome and fascinating. I have the honor to work among them and also I have my own children and my friends' own teenage kids to learn from). 

We all have something that makes us feel joyful or alive. What is it for you ? What lights you up ? Arts and crafts is another activity that gives me joy. Here is what I have made for this blog:

But before I get to the point of convincing you of that universal truth of your inherent awesomeness, let's bring a bit of context in terms of the why, a 50-yo introvert cis-gender French Canadian woman, mother of three teenage boys and a doctor working with distressed people with a ton of notes to write and emails to respond to, carve out time, space and energy (and oh, parentheses... you'll find out soon enough that I am a big fan of these sideways smiles) to talk about... Animö. Or what I decided to call this decade-long phase of your life (which will likely represent, come to think of it, at least 10% of your life, even if you are a super-ager like some of my friends who are now nonagenarians). Well, creativity often gets kindled in times of need. I hear about and witness a lot of suffering in your age group. It seems exponential, with the widespread use of the internet, social media, and the pandemic. I want to guide you in exploring those mechanisms of suffering and help yourself reclaim your self-confidence and freedom to be you.

Have you started noticing differences in your life, your tastes, your thoughts, your feelings, your physiology, your voice, and how others react in your presence ? Does it feel as if you had just entered a dense and dark forest with unfamiliar sights, smells and sounds, and without a flashlight ? If so, welcome to the club we all become a member of at some point (if we are among the fortunate majority that gets to live beyond the age of 10 or 12). I am sure if your face had subtitles, it could often read WTF? You might wander and wonder if perplexity has become your middle name. Hey, you are in good company. 

Adolescence is a transition rich with possibilities but it is also fraught with vulnerability, When people or societies change or grow rapidly, there is a higher risk of certain things going awry. Yes, adults get harassed and preyed upon, but teenagers may be especially vulnerable to bullying and exploitation. They are more easily targeted because certain areas of the brain managing impulses and thinking pragmatically are still developing. The sense of identity and self-esteem that goes with it are also forming. So my goal is to help you feel empowered, trust your gut feeling when something doesn't seem quite right, speak up and set boundaries to stay safe.

In this space, I will generously share the miseries I overcame, including my least glorious moments in the hope that you can let go of shame and other unpleasant experiences that create roadblocks for you to live your life with safety, peace, enjoyment and freedom.

I never heard of the word "Animé" as often as since my sons, especially my middle one, became fond of that art form. In the native French I evolved in growing up, it was an adjective often paired with a noun, such as in "dessin animé", which was a generic expression for cartoon. As an Xer (meaning, growing up in the X generation, or the cohort who didn't know technology... I started using computers only during higher education when I was in my late teens), I realize we had our own "animé" back then, or Japanese cartoons on TV, and which I was particularly fond of: Mini-Fée (probably the precursor of Kiki's Delivery Service), Démétane (a super depressing story about a frog), Astro the Robot, to name a few. I have also been an avid fan of Peanuts and I have been drawing Snoopy and Woodstuck my whole life. Garfield was another cartoon I liked. T-shirts of Snoopy, Garfield or Gumby were my favorite thing to wear (and sigh ! how many did I lose ? I even lost count !). 

And since Animé is so en vogue these days, I thought it would be cool to (at least, try to) draw myself as a cartoon character. Drawing is one of those activities in my life that are almost as old as I am, it is like the continuous thread of my life, or an important anchor, so to speak. As much as I love writing, drawing is probably even more of a life-saver for me, since I started drawing way before I knew the alphabet.

And looking into a title for this blog, I decided to play with the name a little... Animé, Anima, Animus... All words that have the same root, which means "soul". I like to think of the soul as something we all have, which is our essence, our inner light and wisdom, or deep potential. Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist, a big believer in personal growth as the whole point of life, developed the concept of animus and anima, archetypes that are in us and helps us balance our gender polarities. "Animo" means "don't give up" in Spanish. It aims to communicate encouragement. And the vowel o is a circle, which symbolizes wholeness, completion that we are aiming towards throughout our lifetime. It is like an areal view of all humanity standing in a giant circle and holding hands. By choosing Animö to encompass all the variants, I also entertain myself with a symbolic accent that looks like eyes wide open above a gasping mouth, as in astonishment, like teenage years force us into sometimes (ok, as a compulsive decorator, I admit that I even decorate vowels by adding accents). And Carö is derived from my diminutive, Caro, with the same pair of goggles on top. I was Caro (or Kéro, Koro, Caaa-ro) to my family, my friends growing up. Looking back at that stage between puberty and emerging adulthood, I have some compassion and tenderness for that young, sometimes tormented, Caro. Frankly, I didn't particularly like this phase of my development. I often resented it, with its startling, dark body hair showing up suddenly, the widening hips, the shopping for a bra... Nobody handed me an instruction manual to go through this tsunami within my body. I have never heard my parents nor grandparents share their own permutations of socio-emotional disaster neither. It is as if the word "teenager" didn't even exist in their era, because they basically went straight from childhood to adulthood (this actually might happen when there is trauma, but sooner or later the person must live through that phase, even as an adult). Or it was a mute scene of the movie of their life. Or they were so ashamed of it, they repressed all its associated, aversive memories. But I am eager to revisit my own drama and other pains for the benefit of my kids, my nieces and nephew, the patients I work with in those California tribes, and for all the youth in the world. And of course, for you, my dear reader. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that in the midst of turmoil, under a surface of lethargy or fallow period, I was probably the closest to my true self as I ever was for the decades to come. At 14, I joined the school ballet-jazz, and a yearbook revealed that I wanted to study literature or performance arts (which I didn't pursue as a career but which remain dear to me and which I managed to integrate in my adult life at some point).

You might not always identify with my reality because of basic, not easily-modifiable characteristics (I am a girl, the first-born, of French Canadian descent, shaped by Catholicism and some of its rituals, in a household broken by divorce) but that's ok. Even though the circumstances often differ, this is only the world of form. At our core, we might have many underlying emotions in common, such as sadness, anxiety, shame, despair. We sometimes lose face (or a cool Snoopy t-shirt), but it doesn't mean we hate to lose faith. Faith in us and human kindness. Especially when we are wounded or depleted. That makes us solidary. And our world needs more mutual understanding and compassion right now. We do better when everyone does better. We are co-intelligent, co-creative, cooperative creatures that can improve our world by developing the right synergies. 

Now, my conclusion for today and first advice is this: cherish who you are, now, even though you are not particularly satisfied with your appearance, or performance, or household situation, or you feel unpopular, or your dating effort have not led anywhere. I promise, you are more than what happened to you, or your grades, or what mean-spirited people say of you (and by the way, those who bully do so because of their own insecurities... they treat their victims based on what they think of themselves, which is, poorly). One huge lesson I wish they had taught me in school is the law of impermanence: nothing lasts. Which is quite a relief when we feel stuck in a bad situation. I wish I had believed it when I felt heartbroken after a guy had dumped me or when I was told I would someday outgrow my acne (which was quite extreme in my early twenties).

Again, what lights you up ? If you are not sure yet, try to go outdoors, leave your electronic device behind, and connect with nature. We are animated by the four elements all around us: air, earth, water and fire. We are animals, or "animaux" in French. We become enlivened when we feel part of the planet and connected with all of humanity, whether it is by swimming in a lake, planting a tree, swinging, singing by the fire. We are anima, animus, animé. When we are one with nature, the joy of the moment dissolves the grief from losing a beloved t-shirt, the humiliation surrounding escaping body fluids, the wounds from bullying, the disappointment from mediocre grades. Because all of this unpleasantness shall pass, and you are not equated with it. And eventually, looking back, we can even find something to laugh about in our own very normal ineptitudes and embarrassing chapters. Can't wait to explore this forest called adolescence with you all. Meanwhile, Animö !

I was about 16 on that photo.
(And whether he likes it or not...I see a lot of my firstborn son in my facial features, now that he reached that age).

Happy Valentine's Day to you all !