First kiss

Sweet, wet, shy, warm, passionate, minty, ominous, clandestine, eye-opening. Regardless of how we classify it, un baiser or besito rarely leaves anyone indifferent. The first portion of my adolescence was spent dreaming about my first kiss. I dreaded pretty much everything about puberty. But thank goodness for kisses ! From a young age, my fascination for kisses and my belief in their magic were to the point of believing that parents made babies that way. After hearing the shock of how babies were really made after a friend had popped my bubble in kindergarten, I had nonetheless remained enthusiastically obsessed with kissing scenes in movies, anticipating that culminating moment when two people would finally reach that juncture of the lips, as if to seal their mutual love in an embrace of smiles. And I cannot tell you how many times I created scenarios that would include a kissing scene between Barbie and Ken.

I still vividly remember my first kiss with a boy named Patrick. I was in the middle of high school. He was living in the same village as a friend, and she had known him since elementary school. I had observed to my friend that I found him cute: quiet, muscular, dark eyes, dark hair. Not long after I started noticing him, hoping he would notice me too, I was at the ski resort, on a cold evening of February. Patrick was there ! He most likely had heard I had a crush on him by then. We engaged in a conversation (the content of which I cannot even remember) among a group of peers whose existence I suddenly became oblivious too. He suggested that we go on a walk. I spent wonderful winters at that ski resort, and one of my favorite moments was at night, when the ski runs would be all lit up. It was magical. And that night, that was the background for our walk we somehow started to do hand in hand. Then, at some point, we stopped and faced each other. Patrick embraced me. Then, he kissed me. A French kiss. My first. Woooo-ahhh ! It was so wonderful I thought I was floating. I had started the walk freezing (my feet could estimate that the temperature was around -20 C). But during that kiss, a pleasant warmth swept all over me and completely negated any sensation of cold I had experienced until then.

I was instantly hooked. It is not too bad of an addiction to have, is it ? I replayed this scene in my head, daydreaming during class. I started dreaming even more intensely of kissing because from then on, I knew what it felt like. To me, kissing was the epitome of intimacy, because when we join lips, we tend to close our eyes, which makes us extra vulnerable. When we experience a lip lock, we are pausing the moment to create eternity together. And when we seal our smiles, we are connected through a language that goes beyond words. A few years ago, I discovered the different erotic blueprint types and apparently  I am energetic (which means I tend to anticipate and feel everything before the kiss happens, what a bonus ! It makes the joy last even longer... before, during and after ! ).

But kissing, as exciting as it was, remained a subject I could only talk to my girlfriends about. I never had a conversation about kisses with my parents. Maybe that is another reason that makes this so special. And it saddens me when some teens don't feel like they have the freedom to reach that milestone on their own time due to parental restrictions. I found that parents who are too rigid about the age their children are allowed to date or kiss tend to generate major distress in their children. If you feel like your parents don't understand your needs, ask them questions about their own dating experiences. Maybe they have unresolved issues they are projecting onto you. Explain to them that this is completely developmentally normal for teens to explore in that way (learning this in medical school in my twenties dissolved any shame or guilt I might have had for having had tactile exchanges with boyfriends during adolescence). If they remain unreceptive, find friends, older siblings or a trusted adult like a school counselor to have that dialogue in a safe space. Kissing is intimate and sexual and part of our divine nature. We cannot repress our sexuality nor our desire to connect to others. In my personal and professional life, I have seen countless times the damage caused by shaming of normal sexuality: it is more likely to lead to dysregulation, impropriety or misconduct. We cannot suppress who we are. There is always a price to pay to the stifling of growth and the natural evolution of all living beings.

Kissing might be a prelude to something else but it doesn't have to be. For me, the kiss has a sanctity that makes it very whole and capable of standing on its own between two lovers. Kissing has not always been delightful (I didn't like the sloppy kisser I dated for a few months, or the breath of coffee-drinkers, especially at a time I was not drinking coffee at all, nor the sensation of kissing an ashtray when the boy smoked). But it has often been satisfying. In fact, I am proud to say that when I was in college, I kissed a boy ALL NIGHT without anything else happening. Can you believe that ? I had a crush on this kind and funny classmate. We never really dated, unfortunately (he had the strange habit of calling me ''auntie'', I don't know why, we were the same age !). But I will always remember his spirited kissing style coupled with a respectful attitude, just like my first kiss as a teenager was so unforgettable.

A recent synchronicity in the form of convergence of various reminders about the bliss of kiss made me pick that topic, on this back-to-school day for my three teenage sons, which also happens to fall on the ''8-8-8 portal'' (with its triple evocation of infinity, in case you are intrigued by numerology): reading a post on kiss as a meditative practice yesterday, a verbal exchange with a vibrant person I am very fond of about ''kissers'' earlier today, and the fact that some summer flings might have now evolved into that stage. I don't know if any of my boys had their first kiss yet. But if they did, I hope they were as transported as I was with mine. And if they have anxieties about that prospect, I hope they feel comfortable enough to ask me questions anytime.

Anyway, kissing can be beautiful. Make sure it is consensual by staying attentive to the person you are exchanging a kiss with. No means no and consent can be revoked at any time. If both of you want it to be more, always use a barrier method to protect you and your partner. And meanwhile, enjoy this beautiful phenomenon (which can be so tasty there is even a type of chocolate named after it !).

From a wrapping of dark chocolate called Chocolove.
Poetry, chocolate and romantic kisses. I cannot dream of a better life !.