Why we should also worry about the straight-A student

Me at 15 yo.

Not every child's or teen's potential is expressed the same way as anyone else. Therefore, we see a wide distribution of grades and performances in the report cards. There are three scenarios that should worry any parent or educator though: very poor grades that cannot be explained by a developmental delay or learning disability, sudden drop of grades after a typical baseline of good or above-average performance, and track record of outstanding grades.

Yes, you read me right. Even the kiddo who is at the top of the class. Why should we worry about a student who does consistently excellently? Because this could indicate an overcompensation for low sense of self-worth, stressful home environment, or strong internal or external (parental) pressure. Going through adversity (poverty, violence in the home, abuse, neglect) can affect grades in various ways. We can easily see how stress can lead to poor grades, but we have to be aware that good grades can also mask that. It's just that the student is extra good at compartmentalizing or dissociating (a frequent stress response). The problem is that we don't generally worry about the good test-taker. We praise this student. But it makes the underlying issues go unnoticed for too long. And sooner or later, the coping mechanism (the perfectionism, the urge to overachieve) will fail and the crisis will erupt. 

I know because I once was that student. Looking back, I wish everyone (teachers, parents, friends) had put my good grades aside and asked me how I was doing emotionally. If everything was ok at home. If I had any fears, worries, or sorrows. Or who was I as a person, outside of a studious girl and a good test-taker. Who was the real me ? It was often hidden behind acne and apprehension of my menstrual cycles because of intense cramping, both signs of chronic inflammation or even possibly somatic reactions to stress. And my stress during puberty probably explained why I was almost 16 when I had my menarche. I suspect cortisol, stress hormone, suppressed or affected my sexual and reproductive hormones.

A girl in my class was even more extreme in her perfectionism and obsession to finish first. She told me she was studying 4 h every night (while I was sitting 1.5 h in my homework). She excelled at gymnastics and played piano. I was not multi-talented like her. She ended up with an eating disorder and had to be off school for a while because of burnout.

In some cases, sure, the good grades just mean that, and everything else happens to be idyllic in the student's life: intact family, supportive parents, healthy relationships with peers, satisfying extracurricular activities. Basically, the report card is a reflection of everything else. But in other cases, it can be a mask, a façade. A curtain of success to hide behind. It helps to find ways to channel one's own distress and find an area to ''control'' when everything else feels out of our control. But sublimation, the mechanism that consists of turning something negative into something positive, has its limits. If the pain is constantly ignored, the imbalance chronically unaddressed, it just grows bigger. I want to call it the silent mental distress. My emotional struggles went unnoticed for most of my adolescence and into young adulthood. Later in life, my perfectionism, ambition, goal-orientation or whatever you want to call it were no longer sufficient as the demands increased. I burnt out a few times as a doctor, needing a reset. Slowly, I learned to detach from external recognition or praise (the adult equivalent of grades) and realized the importance of not equating those metrics with my own worth. I became at peace with making mistakes, and wished I had ''failed'' way earlier, to desensitize myself.

That's why we need to care for the straight-A+ student too. To give him or her permission to fail. And in order to do that, they need their emotional needs to be met so as to not be overwhelmed by devastation after a poor performance.

If you are a student and identify with that coping mechanism, reach out and find support to heal from your pain. I said this before, but you matter and you are not alone. Allow yourself to diversify your interests. School and education are important, but not the sole performance, and certainly not at all costs. School won't last forever and there is way more to life than that. Let yourself create your own path. Keep the big picture in mind, and don't sweat the small stuff or overfocus on the details. Do your best, but don't have tyrannical expectations. Plus, you will be more effective at learning and will do so for a lifetime if you nurture your emotional self now. Emotional health affects everything: your self-concept, your physical health, your accomplishments.

Study hard but make sure you take breaks and have fun ! Joy is a great source of resilience.