The worth of a smile

As a young kid, I really loved a Japanese series called Candy. It was a kind of Animé (although we didn't really call this Animé in the 70s) and the main character was an orphan girl who became fond of a boy, the ''Prince'', and who once told her, as she was crying (because she was going through some hardship and injustices, as many orphans do), that she was more beautiful when she laughed. This line stayed with me my whole life after that. 

Due to the tension between the need to emancipate and to stay close to family, discomfort towards puberty, peer pressure, embarrassment towards our parents, or heartbreak after a first love, adolescence is not particularly a time when we feel like in a smiling mode in a consistent way. At least it was not my case. Even though I am a generally joyful and positive person (who sure has her moments of grumpiness too !), in my teenage years, when around certain people, I didn't feel like faking a smile. So it was particularly annoying to me when my mom irritatingly, behind clenched teeth, commanded me to  ''have less good grades and smile more !''. You won't be surprised to hear it didn't change my facial expression. Quite the opposite. I felt even more frustrated, not to say shamed. Telling me to sabotage my future and letting go of my studiousness that helped me cope and escape from their adult drama felt plain cruel.

If I could give any parent some advice, or go back in time to offer my mom constructive feedback (and hey, I don't need to anymore, like any parent she is human and was maybe programmed to smile whatever the circumstances), I would encourage a mindful approach to the non-smiling teen (or whatever is bothering you about the youth), which means observing with curiosity and without judgment, instead of judging your teen's pouting face while expressing no interest in the underlying cause !

It means looking at a face without a smile and wonder, compassionately, if something is going on... Instead of labeling, accusing, forcing, why not observe and inquire empathically, ''hey, is everything all right ?'' Or maybe the parent needs to pause and wonder what is it that their teen reminds them of and that bothers them. What is coming up for the parent, about their own unresolved stuff ? What is it that really bothers them, and why ? Maybe it is not even about the smile, or lack thereof. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, my friend. Often, parents' or other people's reactions, especially when they seem disproportionate and not very thoughtful, tell us more about them than us.

This experience also taught me to pay attention to my own ''smiling index''. Like a barometer of my mood or internal state. No need to subscribe to self-tyranny and blame myself for it. It is just about observing, and learning about oneself. If I smile with all my heart (not just my teeth !), there is alignment. If I notice I haven't been able to smile for a while, then I wonder and do a check-in with myself to identify how I became out of balance.

The good thing about smiling is that it doesn't need perfection (like, ''world of the form'' kind of perfection). It can be crooked, asymmetrical, braced, loud or quiet etc. As long as it is sincere. And usually, the smile is not limited to the mouth. The whole face, with the eyes, can and should smile ! sometimes even the whole body.

Expand your definition of a smile. Practice smiling, not just for the camera, for others, for appearances, but for you ! Smile when you are alone. Because even when we are physically alone, we are still connected to others. When we find peace and joy in solitude, then a smile becomes the external manifestation of our contentment. So focus on what leads to smile and everything will fall into place, align, and make you, and the world around you, smile, because your beautiful smile, the glittery smile of your eyes can be contagious !